Activity: Rites of Passage

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In my youth, there was no adolescent rite of passage in my family or within the immediate social circles in my hometown. In general the expectations for females at the age of 18 marks the physical developmental milestone. 

Looking back, I don't remember any rites of passage in adolescence that were particularly important in my culture, religion or family. 

Maybe getting my first job could count but I don't remember it being a big deal.

1. What adolescent rite of passage or tradition (e.g. bar mitzvah, school ball, learning to drive/cook/fish/hunt etc.) is particularly important...

a) ...in your culture or religion?  school balls, learning to drive, 16th, 18th & 21st birthdays

b) ...in your family? my Mum had me later in life so emphasis wasn't really placed on milestones or rites of passage as it may have been in other adolescents of my age with a younger parent.  I remember succeeding at school was celebrated, and I had a simple dinner with family and friends rather than a traditional 21st.  Getting my drivers licences gave me independence and made getting to work easier.

2. What was is like for you to go through these rites of passage as an adolescent?  Adolescence wasn't my favourite time for many reasons - family stuff, bullying etc.  As I mentioned earlier, I think having an older mother meant importance was placed elsewhere rather than on teen milestones - imagine my surprise when I got my first period with no birds & bees talk to prepare me!  This exercise is making feel a bit ripped off now that I think back, I might need a "21 plus one or two (or three)" celebration with lots of cake to make up for it :) 

Rites of passage that I am aware of in the Pākeha culture are: Birthdays (especially 16 and 21), learning to drive, school ball, and graduating. 

In my family, my mum had little ceremonial offerings for my sister and me when we had our first periods. Although I love the idea of rites of passage now, at the time, I was experiencing a lot of body shame and hatred and found it quite embarrassing. 

1. What adolescent rite of passage or tradition (e.g. bar mitzvah, school ball, learning to drive/cook/fish/hunt etc.) is particularly important...

a) ...in your culture or religion?  Being baptised

b) ...in your family? Learning to drive, cook, hunt, ears pierced, shave legs, getting a job

2. What was is like for you to go through these rites of passage as an adolescent?  It was new and exciting, it felt like I was growing up and becoming independent, that I was responsible and could be trusted, that I contributed more to the family unit.

Culturally, there was no implemented rite of passage however personally it was the onset of drinking alcohol. I learned to drive at an older age therefore this was not necessarily a rite of passage to independence however having access to illicits like alcohol was very freeing for me and my friends. It took a lot of convincing and also lots of trial and error however as there was already a very different developmental period of my childhood where I was in charge of cooking for the family and looking after my younger sister from the age of 11 there was no real other "rite of passage" for me 

I will come back to this

Culturally there was no tradition or ritual to mark the adolescent rite of passage.  For myself, it was fine tuning the skills that I had been taught and putting them into practice to help our daily family life.  These skills included cooking meals, sewing clothes and translating for my parents who could not speak English well enough to deal with services they were accessing  for example financial institutions and health professionals.

As an adolescent it was tiresome and I often disliked having to be the translator, but at the same time I knew that I was supporting my family.

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a). I guess in Western culture it would be your 21st birthday!

b). My family didn't have any big traditions.

2.  I didn't have a 21st. I didn't like the idea of being the centre of attention. 

In my culture, which I'd consider a  pakeha, lower middle class, non-religious culture, the rights of passage I was aware of were loss of virginity, turning 18 and being able to drink legally and turning 21 which means you could gamble. 

I spent my teenage years rurally which means that many of my peers and I were in a complicated gray zone where instead of official ceremonies each of us took on responsibilities and roles as needed. 

Having an 18th party was and ongoing communal coming of age.  Socialization in the country already revolved around going to someone's place, legally or not, and drinking. So these 18th birthday parties were the ending of an era. Those that were still in school where expecting to go after University but there were plenty of our peers who had already left school and were in work.

Going through the rite of passage myself was exciting. I already thought of myself as responsible but now I had the law on my side to let me make my own decisions in my life. And the step was essential for me leaving toxic situations. 

1.a) Rite of passages or traditions around transitioning from childhood to adulthood in Germany mainly focus around education (starting school, middle school, Abitur, University etc.) or are predominately marked through Christian traditions: "first communion" for Catholics and "Konfirmation" for Protestants. I think there might also be regional differences in rural areas as traditions are quite diverse.

1.b) I did not grow up in a very "tradition based" family, neither was my family religious. There were milestones like starting "Gymnasium" (secondary school) that came with changes to social group and friendships as well as big steps in independence eg. navigating a much bigger radius by public transport (age 11ish), or graduation "Abitur", moving out, starting uni (age 19ish). 

Both my sister and I separately went to high school in America for a year at around age 16, I consider this year as a significant rite of passage for myself.

Also, on a smaller level, a summer of interrail travel with my friends before I left. 

2. It was huge. I was fevering for the experience of breaking out of my school and home environment ( academic pressures and social expectations) and experiencing myself in a completely different culture and context.  There were highs & lows, ease & discomfort and altogether a time of much freedom and experimentation, a little bit like a playground for my search of identity and role models etc.. The problematic part for me was, on my return, trying to transition back into an environment (school, family, social group) that had no awareness or acknowledgment of my experience and transformation.......    

Making a good cup of tea!  I'm English so it's important. 

It's a significant milestone in my family, albeit it small, it is one that I remember vividly and one that is also happening in my household this week.   Finally being old enough and responsible enough to boil the water and not harm yourself. Being tall enough to reach the mugs  and stand tall next to the kitchen bench.  With it comes the feeling of responsibility.  It's a small gesture, for the first time being able to provide for family members and for guests. A cup of tea is made for all occasions, it can be a distraction, a kind gesture and offer comfort. 

1. What adolescent rite of passage or tradition (e.g. bar mitzvah, school ball, learning to drive/cook/fish/hunt etc.) is particularly important...

a) ...in your culture or religion? As a person who doesn't have a culture or religion, I do not have one specific rite of passage tradition.

b) ...in your family? Growing up as a teenager, I saw getting my driver's licence and turning 18 as my rite of passage.

2. What was is like for you to go through these rites of passage as an adolescent? I felt like i had entered adulthood.

Getting my driver's licence was a big one. It gave me independence as we didn't live near public transport, and with having a driver's licence I was able to get a part-time job while at high school. Going to my first school ball at 15. I never had a sweet 16th birthday. I did, however have a 21st that I organised and paid for myself as I had left home at 18 years old. 

In my family my 15 year old daughter is already planning her 16th birthday next year in the garage. She's not interested in getting her licence as the dad taxi has her covered as well as public transport. 

We celebrate all birthdays, christmas, and Halloween. Every year for Halloween I would decorate the house and do trick or treat. This year, both girls want to go to their friends house for a party, so now my Halloween celebrations are transforming into something new that they are organising as teenagers with their friends and not their parents.

When I got my driver's licence it felt a little scary, very grown up and a lot of responsibility. At the same time, it gave me freedom and the ability to earn money as well as paving my own way in the world with the responsibility of things like car insurance, paying for fuel and car maintenance. The school ball was fun and getting dressed up into something very formal, having hair and makeup done like a pre wedding 

1a) In our whanau, it is traditional to wear black at the Tāngi. This shows a sign of respect for both the departed loved one and Tikanga. 

1b) Our whanau practise more of a western style of rites. School balls for our kids for example. This was quite a bonding experience between parent and teen. And 10years later, it is still talked about fondly. 

2a) As a teen, I do not remember ever learning this custom on our Mārae, it was "just our way". It felt awkward being around death at this age. I was more concerned about fitting in with my cousins and not breaking protocol with the Aunties lol.

2b) As for my school ball, I did not go and always felt I missed out on this particular rite of passage. As an adult, not being able to contribute to a conversation with friends who had fond memories of the school ball made me feel a little sad. 

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In my family, we do not practice any specific rite of passage or tradition during your adolescent.  Turning 18 is a major milestone as you are recognised as being an adult with many legal milestones i.e. drive a car, vote, drink alcohol.

a) In my culture:
Growing up in Korea, being a teenager meant spending most of your time studying. School often finished around 8 or 9 pm, and then we had extra classes or private tutoring over the weekends. There wasn’t much free time to explore hobbies.

b) In my family:
In my Christian family, important traditions such as participating in church activities and following religious guidelines marked significant moments in life. These were times when I learned responsibility, faith, and moral values.

2. My experience:
Going through these experiences was both hard and meaningful. School was hugely stressful but taught me discipline and persistence. Family and church traditions gave me a sense of belonging and helped me grow as a person. Looking back, they all shaped who I am today.

1. What adolescent rite of passage or tradition (e.g. bar mitzvah, school ball, learning to drive/cook/fish/hunt etc.) is particularly important...

a) 18th birthday. When you can drink legally.

b) Getting your drivers license.

2. What was is like for you to go through these rites of passage as an adolescent?

The adults in my family treated me like i was also an adult. They spoke to me differently and were more casual with me.

I didn't feel particularly connected to a specific culture in adolescence, but learning to drive was definitely an important and expected rite of passage for both me personally and my family.  Thinking back, it was the feeling that I was free to make my own decisions about where I could go, it gave me the feeling that I was more of an adult, also needing an after-school job to pay for petrol.  

In Punjabi culture, important rites of passage often include taking part in religious and community traditions. For example, going to the Gurdwara (Sikh temple), reading or listening to the Guru Granth Sahib (holy book) show a step toward maturity. Big festivals like Vaisakhi and Diwali are also special times when young people learn the meaning of faith, unity, and service. Wearing traditional clothes like salwar suit or kurta pajama at celebrations is another way feeling part of the culture. For me, these experiences made me feel proud, connected, and more grown up in my community. 

some important traditions in my culture is receiving tamoko, menstruation becoming a woman, entering roles of leadership...

in my family many traditions have been lost but slowly we are reclaiming them. my received her moko kauae last year the first in many generations. i receive my first tamoko at 20 when i felt ready acknowledging my dad who passed in my adolescent years.

my mum celebrated me getting my first period which was awkward, but she gave me a new outlook and respect for myself through that experience. 

A rite of passage in my religion that is particularly important to me is being present in church every Sunday. As growing up I have always attended church services and grew up in a religious household where our belief is respected and valued a lot. For my family following our religion is very important and it is something that binds us all together in unity. 

I do not really remember anything specific marking my adolescents, I attended various school balls but I remember these being more about my friends and partying rather than a "rite of passage'. Learning to drive on the farm was fun but again a thing I really did with friends, and as my friends were older they were already driving so it was not so significant for me. I always baked and cooked from a young age, I guess I feel like these events all occurred but were never made a big fuss of. Turning 18 was significant for me personally as I was legally allowed in to the pub, and buy my own alcohol, so for me as an adolescent this was amazing! 

a) in my culture teenagers will attend a confirmation at church. Usually at age 14. That was a significant rite of passage in my village. 

b) I remember that my mum and grandma made a big deal about my first period. I heard them saying: now you are a woman... I was totally embarrassed. 

2. I did the confirmation because the village people give you money when you do it. that was my motivation to attend the whole year course really. I did like the group coming together each weekend we bonded and went on a weekend away with the minister. I definitely learned a lot about the bible and bible verses. 

This one is a bit difficult to answer for myself as I don't associate myself with a particular religion or culture. Special birthdays like 13 and 16 are celebrated as sort of rites of passage. For me though something important was learning to drive. It gave me the independence I greatly desired and ultimately needed to leave home.

1. What adolescent rite of passage or tradition (e.g. bar mitzvah, school ball, learning to drive/cook/fish/hunt etc.) is particularly important...

a) ...in your culture or religion? -

b) ...in your family? leavers ball at high school, learning to drive, mow a lawn, everyday life skills, cooking, cleaning, maintenance.

2. What was is like for you to go through these rites of passage as an adolescent?

For me the biggest impact was the leavers ball, it was a event looked forward to and planned for years. I made me feel mature and acomplished.